the truth?

don't you think the word 'truth' has been used too freely?  who knows what is the truth except the person who has experienced it; and even with the experience, who is to know that they are relating the truth?  many a time, the story has been glorified, embellished, exaggerated to make it a worthy story to be listened to and remembered.


when someone says that they love you, which truth is it?  the love of love or the lust of love, or the companionship of love?


when someone says you are a good friend, is it because you are the most useful at the point in time, you contribute the most to the person's wellbeing and joy for now, and that you are gullible enough to be sucked into doing all the dirty jobs that need to be done?  how many are truly truthful to their words?

the only truth is when someone comes to your help without asking anything in return, now and later.  the only truth is when someone doesn't question your story but just dishes out whatever help you need.  the only truth is when, long after you had a relationship with the person, they still remember you and extends a helping hand with one call, without conditions.

the only truth is when someone you love loves you back by showing it in the most simple ways, without expectations, without conditions, without negatives...

discos and nightspots

here's another trip down memory lane. i was taking a ride downtown the other day, a rare scene since i usually prefer to drive myself. it gave me a chance to look around the city landscape, and, did i shock myself - so many buildings that i didn't realise had sprung up, so many entertainment spots that i haven't known about.

back in the days of younghood (as my daughter terms it), i knew every nook and corner of the town, every disco (nowadays called clubs), every good restaurant, every lorong with the best hokkien mee, best satay, best bak kut teh. i knew that the best prawn mee in town was the lorong near chinatown, but it only opens on thursdays; that campbell square had the best nasi lemak, jalan ipoh had the best bak kut teh at 3 a.m. after a sweaty session at the disco.

today, i can hardly keep up with the new roads and buildings, let alone the hangouts of the young.  we were in a much safer environment then,i am convinced.  i could walk home from a bus ride at midnight, and i wouldn't worry about anything.  i would drive home alone at 2 a.m. and it was fine. life then was not so complicated, it wasn't as decadent and immoral.  life was somewhat simpler, just as fun without the negative frills like drugs and bad hats... sure, it wasn't devoid of them, but it sure wasn't as rampant and common as today.

life for youngsters seem to be good these days, with all the modern technology and gadgets that are so sophisticated; but i reckon that with a much safer world those days, life was much happier and easygoing. parents didn't have to worry as much about their child's safety and well-being then.  with all the violence prevailing these days, youngsters have to be more wary about their surroundings, hence putting pressures on where they should hang out in, what time they should be heading home, why they shouldn't really be driving alone at night..... so many restrictions these days....

and those who throw caution to the wind today?? well, many have paid the price and many will have the negatives catch up on them, and some will get away with it...... but do we want to take that risk? i certainly believe the consequences are not worth the risks..

of fridays

a long time ago, when mobile phones were gigantic and owned by loan sharks only, we relied on land lines to get dates and talk to the boyfriends.  come thursday, us bachelor girls will be busy picking up the office lines to fix appointments for friday and saturday.  oh what fun and joy when one is young and beautiful..

today, friday is a day i look forward to going home and chill out, while the whole city is bustling around traffic jams, crowded places, and bad food due to the rush.

but we have to go through each phase of life as it pans out, the important thing is for us to enjoy each portion, no matter how unpleasant, or negative it may seem at the time.

choose to be positive, choose to take each day in stride and be happy with small mercies, choose to smile despite hardships.... choice is a certainty we have, apart from death..

picture of pleasant thoughts

time machine

it certainly feels like i'm in a time machine, moving forward at the speed of light. like a blink of the eye, it's christmas round the corner, and i can still remember last christmas. the good thing about this time machine, is that shoobaba will be back, if only for holidays..  at least one daughter will be thrilled to see me too...

speaking of this same time machine, i saw my nephew Marcus today, an absence of over 2 months, and gosh, has he shot up in height!

maybe i would wake up in the morning, and the time machine would take me to a debt-free day.. otherwise, Europe looks a long way away...

stepping into my time machine again, this time backwards, through the David Foster concert in Spore, listening to Peter Cetera and Natalie Cole sing their hits of that genre, brought back many memories - sweet ones too. 

life is rich - memories of sweet sugar, bitter medicine, sour plums, and painful knocks... may yours be more sweet than pain.

one week too long

now i know why we have an offday after 5 or 6 days of work.  it's for us to recharge batteries, to chill, to do something different.

with the spore F1 last weekend, it was a non-break, working through the weekend... and i mean really work, carry tables and chairs, serving people and all.  tiring is the word - i'm usually quite bombed out by friday night, but this week, without the offday, i'm shattered.

or maybe it's the age :)  don't think so.

the age shows with the silly dry eyes syndrome i have now.  eye specialist says its the menopause causing hormones to go awry, hence very very dry eyes.. just as well i don't have a lover as i now have to put thick eye gel just before bedtime, for a month... how romantic can that get..

eyes wide open

its 4 am and i'm wide awake,sad. i had tiramisu for dessert and the espresso must be the guilty party keeping me up now.  and so in the quietness of the night, idle minds lead to idle thoughts, not very wise i can tell you.  the night plays tricks on your mind, it delves into the mysteries and depths of things you do not want to think about, it takes you into melancholy and the pits..... moral of the story, don't take tiramisu at night :)

what does one do when one realises that love has ebbed, that the waves of the ocean must have taken it away with them, that love after all is only for that moment, and if not nurtured properly, like a plant, it will slowly disappear.  and what remains is just the shell, wondering where the soul has gone to, wishing perhaps for it to be filled, yet wondering if it's best for all.

what does one do when those they care about have moved on or are moving on? isn't it time to let go and create a new life, leaving the past behind in the photo albums and the recesses of the mind, and get on with new paths, new roads to be concerned about.  won't it be less hassle, less fights, less arguments, less concern, less frustration, less disappointment?

yes, definitely, a brand new day, a brand new start, a brand new life, a brand new me..... at least working towards it is a step forward, a note of excitement perhaps in contrast to holding on to the past and wondering what went wrong...

and so you see how destructive the still of the night can be....

Netherlands

NL was good - any holiday is good, but this was more meaningful because it was to visit my girl.  apart from it being too hot, which was a bummer, and the amount of walking after weeks of very hard work in the office, it wasn't the fun part.

I loved Brugge, we have to go back there again for more leisurely walking around the shops. Hoorn is another place i would like to spend another day in; Maarken was very interesting but maybe once is enough. Delft and Hague are worth another more leisurely visit.  Amsterdam? mixed feelings about it really, very cosmopolitan like any big city, very crowded, but interesting, plus we didn't see enough of the place, so yes, another visit coming.

decisions decisions decisions

i have been wondering which dvd to watch, and quite often, end up not watching anything... contemplate too much lah.
should i watch an action movie, or a tearjerker, a light comedy, a family drama, or some romance?  so difficult to decide sometimes.

i recently decided, after 5 minutes of staring at the pile of dvd's, that i would watch The Ghost Writer, my fave Pierce Brosnan - changed halfway to another dvd, not because it wasn't nice, but perhaps i felt like something more racy.. went back to it a few days later to finish the show, and it was good.

Kristen Stewart was good as Joan Jett too, so was Dakota Fanning of course, but i really bought the dvd for Elle.  We watched together which was fun, i probably wouldnt have watched it on my own.

and tonight, i had thought of watching another dvd, but because i couldn't decide which, i ended up with Cafe World :)

how did "this" happen?

i was watching Oprah interviewing Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, over the issue of her allegedly asking for money to give reporters a lead-in to Prince Andrew. it was a very candid interview, as is with all of Oprah's interviews, and it prompts us to ask the question and come to some realisation of ourselves.  this scandal made Sarah realise how out of control she was in the spiral of problems she was in, that she didn't even realise what she was doing.

i'm sure she now often asks herself, in her down days, 'how did this happen?"

which gets me thinking - how did "this" happen to me?  all of us come to a point in our lives where we ask ourselves this same question, all of us with our different "this"..

sitting here at my dining table, work spread out on one end, tv in the background, art easel on the other end of the table, and totally enjoying this R & R time on my own - yet i wonder how did this happen to me - being on my own, though not complaining about it... yet...

when i was 20, as with all 20-year olds, i had this picture of me getting married, having children, being a good mother and wife, growing old with the husband, going for family holidays, marrying the children off, all with laughter and cheer, of course a little pain and unpleasantness along the way..... but did i think i would be on my own?  no, absolutely not.

looking at the bright side of being alone, i don't have to worry about cooking a meal for the spouse, or being home on time to see the family - i can go out and do as i please, go wherever i feel like going, stay in bed for as long as i would like to.... all the advantages of being alone, and not having to consider about the spouse.  so, yes, i am still enjoying this solitary life.  i just wish i had more time with my children, but as they get older, they have to carve out their own lives, find their dreams,  looking at their parents' lives, and learning from their parents' mistakes, hence making less mistakes in their road ahead.

alone or lonely?

most of us are alone at some of the time, lonely some of the time,  many of us are alone yet not lonely because we are contented with our own company.  when we feel like some chatter and noise, there is the box although astro sucks.. and the cafes and shopping complexes give plenty of companionship.


life has many surprises, many corners and roads - so if we have to be alone, let's explore all these twists and turns and take control of our own lives.. we ourselves are responsible for our own contentment and peace..

it is not very pleasant when we are alone AND lonely... may no one have to experience it for longer than  a minute..

mortality

i heard a long time ago that when someone reaches 45, they will start contemplating mortality. the older they get, the more they will consider their own mortality .... hmm, could well be true.

i attended a good friend's daughter's wedding dinner recently; and at the next table were all the guys whom i used to hang out with - richard wong, richard chan, jason chong...... we were young and vibrant, falling in love was exciting, and singing songs to jason's guitar picking was great.. tearing up and down genting highlands, in those winding roads in his mini cooper was thrilling.
but looking at those time-beaten faces at the wedding, although brought back nostalgia, also reminded me that anyone looking at them, and me for that matter, would never have guessed that we used to be the cool and happening youths of the day..

jason who used to be so cute, charming, with those cheeky eyes, is now a slightly pudgy chinaman :)
and i wouldn't bother too much to describe the rest..
i did miss mark, the other cog in the wheel - he passed away recently, at such a young age..

i guess at some point, all of us contemplate the end - i just pray that mine will be fast and swift, no burden to anyone, and that i would have got all my matters in order...

whose right is right?

there is right and there is wrong... but there are many rights that are actually, and many wrongs that are really right..

it really depends on which side of the fence you are looking at, isn't it?

one man's meat is another man's poison - what's right to one may be totally wrong to another. that's why spouses argue, because each believes the other is wrong.. but a third party may see it quite differently, or maybe the third party sees it from both sides and feels there is no right or wrong - merely which one has the stronger push..

so am i always right? no, not always, just usually :)

a long long time ago

 a long time ago, an 18 year old girl dreamt of working and living in UK, although she had never been there except for photos and TV. she researched ways to get over there to work or study - but she had no money for studies, and immigration laws then didn't allow work permit to a young girl without a professional degree. opportunity came when an englishman proposed, but there was no chemistry, no attraction for her - you see, at 18, her priority was still Love! over ambition.

she fell in love with another englishman, but she never did get a chance to realise her dream, because he dumped her.

and so, UK continued to be this charming, mystical, country that seemed to be so out of reach.  her first trip to UK at 28 realised all the images she had in her mind, and UK was exactly what she envisaged it to be - magical, mystical.... and still is to her..

ME-moirs

some years ago, in my idle time (that was when i did have some), i started some memoirs... thoughts and incidents that have happened in my life, and some advice from those experiences - the objective was that someday when i'm gone, my kids and their kids can read them and know a little family history, and how this woman really felt about things.

then the madness of work overtook and the project was left alone - but i will resume, even if it is just a few lines a day.

so my kids, look for the ME folder on my lappie, and you will get all my "secrets" and experiences, which are not much different despite the years apart  :)
life's experiences are not much different, regardless of which century it is in..

warped

i just realised why i work so hard... it is a blessing - it is so that i do not idle away the hours by thinking of the negatives that life has dished out on many of us..

just the other day, my good friend says she is so envious of her children jet-setting around and so in love with each other - and so it reminded us of how we can only wish, miss, and reminisce of our youthful days..

then again, the youths do not have the wisdom and charm, and wit that we oldies have.... so we won't look into the mirror each morning and be completely horrified at what looks back at us - we will just imagine that all those lines and creases are but souvenirs of good times...

DV today

let's remember DV with these...we won't see it for a year, and we trust that the tenant will take care of it.  well, DV, u take care of yourself too..

shoobaba's possessions

i can almost breathe a sigh of relief now that it's all out of the way, and we can clean up DV and have it ready for show and rent.  its now only the Mac to be brought over, and our TV to be transferred there, which will happen this week with help of big coco and uncle cheong & hong.  here's the process of the moving :

after lots of sweat and grey matter abuse :

and still not tidy enough, but will have to do for now :

Voila!!

wandamere

baby sister of Winnie the Civic

wandamere

i had laboured over what to name my little new car...WTW, what a mouthful.. but so sexy and small.  you see, i was used to the bigger Civic Winnie and its leather seats.  this has fabric seats, but the aerodynamic design gives it a sexy look, and black too... so i shall call it sexy wandamere.

it runs very smoothly, purring along, until i step on the gas and the engine rumbles a bit, like maxi trying to growl. light steering wheel and sporty wheel... nice.

maybe i should drive it to Rotterdam, wouldn't it be fun?  and i'll throw max and fox in the boot; can't have them stink up my back seat surely..

shall wait for shoobaba and rik, and let wandamere accompany us to penang and fraser's hill at the end of the year.

a woman and a car

i'm convinced cars are female..
everyone, especially the men, panders over a new car, washing and polishing regularly - the same way they moon over a new love.

a new car is cool, smooth-running and centre of attraction.  after 5 years, the car starts to lose its allure, and biologically requires corrective surgery - oil leaks, absorber leaks, engine trouble.... just like a woman's body when she hits 50!

my car arrives next week, yippee... although i am getting accustomed to loyal  Miss Atos, but i guess yelleh belleh has been patient enough.  just make sure you handle her with care, yelleh belleh, otherwise shoobaba will be right on you :)  remember, miss atos is 5 years old now, so don't push her.... house rules apply...

layout

just when i thought i would change my blog layout to something more corporate, as it does look a little teenage, i get two comments that it is cute :)

well, i'm not exactly at the cute age, but what the heck, if i can't be young, i can have a young layout can't i....

there's hardly anything to watch on astro anymore! what a bummer.. 

and i need a gym partner to prod me on; laziness always prevails even though the gym lights beckon.  it's truly a case of the spirit is willing but the body is weak. it's always more tempting to exercise the stomach with food, and more comfortable to sit with the lappie and tv for company.

here's one for the album..

fiona shrek

guess what. i saw fiona yesterday... she's looking pretty good these days. she has lost some weight, went to a proper hairstylist too.  mr shrek will be most pleased, so will her subjects, and her king and queen :)

why do people have to get old? i saw pierce brosnan in a new movie, and looking his age, not the james bond, or the remington steele we remember him by.  still.........he looks pretty darn good, just a bit aging..

does anyone know where to get midsomer murders series?

sara sidle is also back in CSI... grissom's still in the tropical jungle?

spent a whole afternoon sorting shoobaba's books, keeping only the all-time favourites and classics, and that's a good 6 boxes!...getting my hands black with grime, and a backache from sitting on the footrest.  where is the stool?  you see the clutter that one accumulates only when a move is in the offing.  and how do you merge two homes' clutter into one?  that's my expertise i think - been moving from bigger homes to smaller units and squeezing and giving away.... it continues..

marriage

it's understandable that hollywood celebs have short marriages. life is too fast for them to deal with marriage pressures and demands.  but even everyday janes and johns seem to be having a hollywood marriage lifestyle. so why are marriages or relationships so difficult?

to me, it's all about - respect, consideration, acceptance, compromise, control - and love comes last..

respect respect respect... once you have lost that for the other, everything else will fall apart, sooner or later.

and to crown it - $$$ - one doesn't have to be rich, but one needs to be financially comfortable for a relationship to last...

love lasts but for moments, the rest is reality..

festivals and festivities

yesterday was a day of mixed emotions.  Cemetery Day in the morning to pay respects to Dad and Bro-in-law at their burial sites.  for the first time in 15 years, it rained on this day, which was a nice change, as it was always oppressively hot.  and beautiful misty mountains at Nirvana because of the rain.  we hide the sadness with lots of chatter and laughter, jokes and fun - with 12 of us there, it was a good family reunion of sorts.

and in the evening, it was time for the family to get together again - this time to celebrate Mum's 84th birthday. yummy catered dinner paid by Yew.  and a whole lot of fun, buying lottery numbers with lots of merriment again. my nephews are so witty people.

here are some pictures to tell the story.

Mum's birthday at Wendy's with the whole family... well, almost whole... minus my kids

misty mountains at Nirvana Memorial

at my bro-in-law's tomb.we all miss him much.

are you salivating?

my constant companion for the last 4.5 years

shoobaba's companion, now mine temporarily

goodbye WNE

after 5 good years, my loyal little civic, winnie (WNE) will be handed over to the dealer. i hope the next owner will take care of it as well as i did. WNE's been good to me, faithful with no problems at all for the last nearly 5 years. she's showing her age now, so i think she will be quite pleased that i am retiring her too. happy days ahead, WNE... i'm going to so miss you..

some pics to cheer up the blog - a birthday in march

monumental packing

trying to organise moving from a bigger unit to a smaller unit, and to make it more interesting, a smaller unit which has already a full house of stuff?  a monumental move i can say.

i stand around and wonder how on earth i am going to fit them all in.  then i decide to pack the things i do not use, but where would i store them?  and what about the things i want to bring over, would there be space?  and of course, there's more packing over at the smaller unit to make way for these things here...as if packing in one house is not bad enough.

am i getting you confused and weary ? well i am - let's think about it tomorrow, and get into action the next day...

communication and miscommunication

communication is such an important part of our lives. the way we communicate, or miscommunicate, can cause so many heartaches, frustrations, pains.

working in a fair-sized organisation with people from different stratas of education, and different walks of life, it is so interesting to watch how people communicate.  a simple sentence can be said in so many ways to complicate it, make it complex, and totally misunderstood and misinterpreted by others.

and i'm sure it happens all over the world, regardless of which industry we are in.. where there are humans, there will be communication and miscommunication...

"i commend you" was pronounced "i comment you"
so the boss, scratching his head asks "was that a compliment?" -
yes of course, comment is compliment..
no la, comment is comment... how can it be a compliment?
no, c o m m e n d (spelt out)...
OHHHHH you mean commend pronounce it properly la...

decisions decisions

test drove the Honda City today. nothing like the Civic, but then again, it is one grade lower so what do you expect..

toyota vios is also recommended, but i don't like toyota - too chinesey, accountant, engineer ..

then there's the Kia Forte, which i'm told is quite sporty - have to go check it out..

maybe i should just go back to the Proton.. it had been good to me..

so what do you think?

musings

aren't these quirky but true?

such is life isn't it - weird, quirky, strange, bewildering, frustrating - but true..

life has been changing so rapidly in the last 6 months over at this household.. from a foursome to now a two-some at home. from two homes, to maybe just one as the other will be rented. from a 5 year old car, to a skid and a spin, and decision to get a new one. from a just nice bills payment, to a few more outstanding. my oh my, and the list goes on.

sometimes the days just drag on, with nothing new, other days just go too fast.  if i could turn back the clock, i would turn it back -  to 1975 but with present maturity ... and if the time machine can't go that far, i would turn it back to 1996....  sliding doors which i now know which to go through..

so many things i miss, so many things i will miss, but right now - i miss the days when i read the kids bedtime stories, when their little hands would cling on to my hand when we walked, and we were all as one.

and tomorrow, i have to go to work......... reality check here..

a new chapter

funny how life dishes out unplanned things, no matter how settled you think you are.  well, shoobs boobs moving to NL is certainly unexpected, but inevitable i guess.

it will be so strange to only see her once in so many months... no msn nor skype can really take the place of physical presence. and it's so strange to get through the day at work, and then remember that dinner is most likely on my own since yelleh belleh has a keen social life. dinner used to be quite often with shoobs.  i guess the positive side is that i will be able to catch up with friends, and start a new life.

it's time to really let go of the children.  my job is done, it's time to let them fly the coop.

but it will never really be a 'let go'; not when we are so close.  it will merely be a "adjustment" of the mind.

and yes, it is certainly a new chapter in all our lives.

i pray that she will eventually come back to live here or yelleh and mumsy can move there, but who knows what tomorrow will bring. as long as children are happy with their lives, it is all that counts. parents do not take centrestage anymore..

i thought i had it all sorted out

isn't this a common phrase - "i thought i had it all sorted out"...

and then it wasn't.. things go awry, plans go haywire... so what do we do? smile and let life take us to the next level..  let God lead us to the next door.

just focus on the good things, just focus on the way forward, just focus on the good...... and it will all be sorted out.

isn't life fun?

movies

what would life be without movies? it's a form of escape from reality which is much needed. but today, such has matured to very realistic escapism, that one has to choose carefully the movie one wants to watch because it evokes such empathy and emotion.

and the underlying serious messages, the subliminal morals, all wrapped in a superficial, send-up entertaining show. there will be those who take it at face value and think it's funny, but some of us sit back and think deeper, but no, not so good either, because of its grim and sometimes morose message - very depressing... so no no no, think only positive, positive vibes, positive thoughts.

let the realities lurk around, let them prowl in the abyss of the forgotten corridor of our mashed up brains.. let the light shine on the cheerful, prancing, happy moments of this thing we call Life..

back again

i've been blasted for not updating my blog... so here i come, although my mind is still blank.  trying not to think too much about this or that, and in the process, denial sets in every angle and one becomes quite a zombie. quite an interesting way to live, albeit a little boring and time catches up too quickly.

michelle pfeiffer was interviewed on david letterman earlier - she's the same age as me.. she narrated how a reporter asked her a very direct question recently "so, how do you cope with your old and decrepit body" - what gall isn't it?  well these old and decrepit bodies, including mine, ain't too bad for someone half a century old. still going strong - don't ask me in ten years' time though but by then, we probably won't have blogs or conversations anymore.  we won't need to ask questions, we will have chips on our heads which read each other's thoughts... err, maybe just the nice thoughts, so we won't end up tearing each other's eyes out..

sunset

today was one of the most glorious sunsets i have ever seen, absolutely staggering! totally awesome as the sky changed the hue of colours from brilliance to mellows.

God's gift to us come this Xmas... to remind us that it is all God, all we have, all we are, all we are to be..

and against such an awesome sight was my dvd of xmas song performances by hauntingly powerful performers, one of whom is Sarah Brightman - what a powerful concoction it was this evening.

sunrise and sunset

we welcome the day with sunrise - well, most of us anyway.. the beginning of another day, with the sun shining bright, life around us bustling and rushing... the earth revolves yet again..

sunset comes with everything and everyone winding down, signing off, going home, dressing down and awaiting the next sunrise..

such is a human life too - sunrise of our lives begins at a baby's first cry, hustle and bustle of growing up, bright days of love and romance, rushing around the days of children and the joys of being a parent....

sunset sees life slowing down, the light dims, accepting that twilight dawns, contemplating that there were good sunrises, and working towards better sunsets.. before it gets dark and silent..

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
it's about learning how to dance in the rain!"

time flies

no sooner is she home, now we think about her leaving...

and its that time of the year - some people will be joyfully decorating, buying presents, planning holidays, and there will be some who will be lonely, poor, and wishing they had presents to give and receive..

and i sadly count the days when i have to give up this home, but i do look forward to moving back to the old home, albeit with some repairs and renewing in the works. it's more practical to dispose of this than that.

someone should invent work to be more enjoyable, more exciting, to everyone and not just some chosen few.

santa claus should be real so we can make real wishes..

she's coming home

she's coming home! even if it's only for a few months... missed her much..

have been catching up on the stack of dvd's... on a roll for romance movies, moving on to action packed ones tonight. here's to ponder - "is knowing the truth worth living the lie?" and "is passion worth the pain it brings"?

finished the Cliff Richard autobiography - well written, easy read and interesting life, god-filled but not obsessive. there are many lessons in there for all of us, young and old, to learn from.

now i'm about to start LONDON by jerry white, looks like an interesting read.

shopping spree

it was a short but fun shopping spree...
as one gets older, it is imperative to slow down the aging process not only with skincare, make-up but also with clothes that belie a more youthful appearance. so off i went to conquer age by getting some outfits which would take off 10 years ...i think i succeeded, and if i didn't, my daughters would be the first to tell me..

we had lunch at Dome - it was a hilarious experience - elle was seated at the table, so when i walked in after the washroom, this young lady came to welcome me. i pointed to elle to say "thanks i have a table"....but the young lady replied "but that table has a customer already" :) :) and promptly followed me to the table in total disbelief and discomfort ! maybe it's her first day at work!

plans

we all make plans, which is what life is about, right? every so often, they go bust...by simple food poisoning...

no massage, facial and having to re-arrange, just because of some sauce on a slice of cake at alexis which must have been contaminated! wish i'd never ordered that cake but ....

and i guess as we get older, we think more about mortality, we are more aware of it than when we were younger.. and i wish my end will be swift...i'm just a coward who doesn't want to suffer, i'm not brave like others...

hollywood look alikes

a most interesting effort from us people indeed...

look back and reflect

i was reading Janet Jackson's interview - she said she doesn't look back at her life unless she is asked, she just moves on. i so relate to that, and i have started to make an effort to look back, just to remember some memories and store in the ever decaying mind. interestingly, she said that her brother MJ has told her that she should stop and look back every now and then...looking back at accomplishments.

when we do look back, we realise there have been accomplishments, some smaller than others.. some more pleasant than others..

no matter how young we are, it is a good idea to sit back every so often, and look back to reflect..

nothing to write

i have nothing and everything to write about...

racism around the world, technology and twits, MJ and JJ, mortality and immortality....

companionship and loneliness... alien to me of course, i love my own company as there's too much to do in too short a time.

we should value and keep our friends, as they are gold. when we are at loose ends, friends are the shoulders to cry on, the ones to laugh with, ones who will go shopping with you..and run errands for you when you limp around.

women should make an attempt to keep in touch with friends, instead of losing contact due to marriage or children - have your circle of girlfriends and good friends - they're much needed, trust me.

hello world

been a while...

we go through so many phases of life..mine's cluttered with ornaments and memories, to the point where i say, enough is enough.. no more ornaments..let's go zen. the more i collect, the more i have to spend for storage space.

but now that the collection stops, a vacuum seems to build... so maybe we'll start again huh.

watch 9/11 on History channel, what a tragedy.. then saw an image of what it is today.. just about sums up life .. glory one day, flat the next.. with many many memories in between.

i was musing with a friend the other day. there was a time the house was full of life, children running around, screaming and yelling from mumsy, kids playing and chatting. today, it's all but quiet. kids grown up, leading their own lives, and not wanting much to do with parents, by the looks of it, both will probably live in different continents far away from mum. and so the old adage, birds that fly the coup once adult..

so i had better re-build my own life now..it's a good feeling to be free of motherhood but am i really free... i don't think so, once a mother always a mother, i will always worry about them wherever they are, always will think and wonder about them even if they are busy with their own lives. but i suppose i can do whatever i please with my time, without worrying about their meals and bedtime, although i worry about the company they keep and the choices they make..

ah well, c'est la vie!

RIP

it stands for Rest in Peace, not RIP into pieces!!!

why can't ppl leave him alone, let him rest in peace. they have ridiculed and derided him in life, just leave him in peace now. why can't people just remember him for his genius, his kindness, his creativity, and his LEGACY of music and entertainment... bunch of morons they are...

tributes

its been such a long time since i last blogged...life's been a race, with hardly anytime to myself. work work and work..

how do you pay tribute and remember a giant? larger than life in his music, in his stature even onscreen, in his choreography. how does one relate death to his genuine smile, his genius of creativity. how does one verbalise the empathy and sympathy for such a misunderstood life and person..

there are no words ....

well, at least we know he is in a much happier place, and a much more peaceful place, and with many good friends - the celebrity heaven with farah fawcett, Princess Di, Heath Ledger, walter cronkite, natasha richardson, elvis presley and "Camelot" - what an orchestra....

busy lives

lipstick jungle - nice entertaining tv drama - especially if you don't want to think or analyse...

we are always busy,
busy keeping busy,
busy looking busy
busy staying busy.......

anyone care to comment on the movie Revolutionary Road, and what thoughts it provoked?

do you get it?

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

life

"Life's not about waiting for the storms to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain."
~Vivian Greene

hello hello

here i was thinking that no one visits my blog except my daughters ...

hello frachely, nice to know you visit, hope you continue to visit and get a glimpse into a crazy woman's rantings and ravings...

hello jolene, yes, the older we get, the more we rant, rave, nag and moan.... we don't worry about men or sex, we just want to be heard :)
and when no one listens, we blog, oh the joys of modern living. i wonder what people did 50 years ago if they wanted to let off verbal diarrhoea and no one is around - perhaps the "bang your head against the wall" phrase is not so touche.

people should write, paint, and do what they love when they are young because as one gets older, the creative juices get muddied by realities and silliness of real life. i used to write great poems a long long time ago, but today, i can't even put together a blog...

peace of mind

that's my wish for the year - PEACE OF MIND

being alone, being peaceful, being 15 again..... sitting on the windowsill of my house, looking out at the moon, wondering if there will be another peaceful moment like that again..... well, there isn't...

i want to go for that drive along the stretch, just thinking of nothing, just enjoying the peace of the night, just enjoying the peace of being me....

no expectations, no commitments, no duties, no one to answer to, just me and myself....

and no one to judge me, no one to say i'm silly, or stupid, or crappy, or not being loving, not being caring.......

just me.....

sense of humour

God has a real sense of humour in bringing us humans down a tad or two.... he created us so that we start as kids - innocent, naive, fun, lovable, loving - all that we should always be..

then we grow up to be teenagers - mischievous brats...

youth of twenties - think we know it all, and showing off that we know it all... but we don't!

matured at thirties - or so we think, and so we behave like we are...

reality starts to set in at forties - we realise maybe we're not that smart after all, that there's much more to learn in life if we stop being smart arses...

fifties is peak of confusion and contemplation - mid life crisis hits as we get hit by a truck - the truck that says "hey you're about over the hill, so what are you going to do about it"

spirit is willing, but body is weak at sixties - you want, you know, you have, but you can't !

it would be so nice if God would create us till the thirties and forties and then we reverse and go back to the twenties - with all our experience and mistakes made - life would be such a breeze!

and twenties is where we should all stay............ supple, fresh, enthusiastic, the world at our feet!

Too Long at the Park

i started in the Playground of life... it was green, lush, pure, joyous, fun, and lots of laughs and care-free days.... footloose....

then i wanted more, and walked into the Park. Filled with rides of sorts, rollercoasters, merry go rounds, sail boats and ships.

and then there was the Carousel, round and round we go, full of colour, full of children's laughter. Clowns were everywhere - the happy faces, the red noses, the comics, the cheeky, and glimpses of tears underneath the games.

now it's sunset at the Park - weariness, glum, silence - the children have gone, the clowns have dropped the cheer, the masks are off - an air of quiet depression....

been too long at the park - I think it's time to go Home.

Happy new year

New Year's Eve was Nothing.......... but nothing is something, yet that something may be nothing... and nothing is something without anything.

anything is better than nothing..... and nothing can be anything....

ahhhh, the wonders of the English Language.

xmas tidings

wow, i seem to be the tallest of the three! they must be bending their knees or something - i am quite sure we are about the same height.

merry xmas, friends....

what a christmas

what a christmas - highs, lows, in-betweens...... what a christmas!

i can't wait for the new year - will it be high, low, in between or just ....nothing?...

what fun.....



happy 2009, everyone!

what do i want?

every woman must watch "The Women" - not only my favourite actresses (Meg Ryan, Annette Bening, Candice Bergen, Debra Messing), but so hilarious, yet so real....

amidst the laughter and tears and pain, it does make one think - what do i want?

most of us go through life doing what we think is the RIGHT thing to do.... raise a family, be a good wife, be a good mother..... that we sometimes miss out on doing what we really want!

nothing wrong with doing the right thing......

but some of us get to a point in life where we feel we have lost it - children are independent and flown the coup, husband chooses beer over wife, friends are all but gone or too busy with their families..... and we wonder where we've gone wrong.... why is it that we don't seem to have what we really want..

or do we already have what we want - the satisfaction of good motherhood.... being a great wife, the best in fact....

so why do we want more???

BORING

I am becoming a total bore again... work work work, and nothing but work. don't even have time to catch up on my dvd's, the only time i watch tv now is my sunday favourite shows.

i miss the free and easy, coffee bean hangout times, retail therapy days, having a yarn with friends... and that was only a few months' ago!

so much to do, so much that hasn't been done, and it's the twilight years now.. time seems to gallop faster as one gets older. perhaps our clocks work differently from a 20 year old..

so all you youngsters, below 30, go do what you want, work hard to achieve your goals - it is possible with youth and plenty of time ahead, plenty of energy and stamina... don't wait till you're 50! although it's not too late at 50, it certainly does slow you down a tad.

bar acquaintances

in my day, and i don't think it's any different now (becos people are still the same in behaviour and thinking patterns), people who go to a bar (or disco as it was called then), are generally out for a good time. some unlucky souls go to get drunk to drown their sorrows, but generally, everyone's there to have fun.

very few acquaintances lead to something more substantial, except that they seriously wish to get laid perhaps, or sloshed.

but once in a blue moon, one might get lucky, and depending on how one plays the cards, a real friendship could bloom..... so look out for that blue moon :) hasn't happened in my time yet...

Contemplation

do you know that it is dangerous to contemplate too much? you contemplate to the point that you can't think straight, and leads to non-verbal dialogue with yourself and others.....

a confused person is what you become, or a nut to some others.

but it's better to contemplate than to shoot off the mouth without thinking right..

but at this day and age, contemplation seems to be a stranger to most; mindless being the norm - sad!

if there was more contemplation than impulsiveness, pride and egos, and mindless banter, the world will enjoy more peace and love....

bad guy good guy

they say it's lonely at the top - how true!

you play the good guy sometimes, but most times you have to play the bad guy. bosses get you to do the dirty job of firing someone, giving warnings to buck up .....

same with the family - mum and dad will play good and bad guy, although in a well rounded family, the roles interchange depending on the situation, otherwise too much of one could be disastrous for that parent.

fat people day

gosh, i have been sooooo busy, it's been a month since i had a chance to think, hence no blogs.

but peeps, here's some wisdom - after all these years, i have finally found out when is Fat People's Day and where they meet ....... on thursdays, in Mid Valley :)

i was there some weeks ago, and no kidding, for every 10 people whom I passed, there was at least 1 fat person. and i don't mean the okay weight who claim they are overweight. these are serious elephant legs and blubber blubber. I wonder which shops they go to since even a little-bit-fat person like me can't find clothes that are big enough - let me go to MV another thursday and do some research.

check this spot out on the next change!

buzz buzz

i bet when i ask anyone "what is love", i will get totally different answers.... so subjective isn't it?

there are people you love, but can't live with... there are people you don't love, but can live with... is that confusing?

and there are people you love whom you try to unlove, but never quite succeed... you go through tunnels and bridges, seas and oceans, road and rail, but you come back to the same spot - loving this person..
and maybe when you do live with this person, you will find out that perhaps you don't love ....

moral of story - stick to loving your kids, it's simple and straightforward - whether you live with them or don't, you still love them just the same...

"I miss my old friend
i wish was here and not there,
then we could sit and talk
from dusk till dawn"

motorbike convention

there are motor car conventions, medical, dental, all sorts of conventions... all in five star hotels, poshy posh...

have you ever wondered where the motorbike conventions are held, and when? only on special days do these conventions take place..

on rainy days, underneath flyovers or bridges - the biggest convention of motorbikes, all busily convening with each other, and patiently watching the rain and waiting for the rain god to be the main speaker at their convention!

love

how do you measure love? i reckon that it's measured differently - love of a child, of a parent, of a spouse, and of a friend. which is strongest? i guess different people have different choices - to me, love of a child is deepest.

it is so sad to see families where the parents and children are estranged - what a tragedy! we have one life, and it is getting shorter by the day. let's not forget that blood is thicker than water - so let us put aside egos, arrogance, stubbornness, anger, bitterness - let us remember that family love is irreplaceable. you may think that you can go through life happily without your child or parent, but it will eat you up, and then it's too late.

gender?

i looked across the almost crowded room, and my eyes rested on a well-chiseled face, very attractive youngish man reading a book. i thought to myself "what a good looking man", and he was sitting alone! what a waste...

you can't daydream in KL - something or someone will always jam in, without invitation. so was miss so-and-so who decided she wanted me to help her with the cookies.

when i looked back to the hunky dory again, alas, to my utter dismay, it was a lady!
unless this man has boobs!

why do some women dress like men, have male hairstyles, and sit like men!

time time time

someone said there should be 30 hours a day... it would be nice, wouldn't it? so done much more can be achieved.
yet...........

the more we have, the more we want, the more we want, the harder we work to get it, the harder we try, the less time we have, the less time we have, the more time we want...... sounds like a vicious cycle? chasing our own tail?

so i won't want more hours - i just want more quality - quality friends, quality time, quality life...

i've been wondering what punchline funnies to blog - been a bit flat recently - but alas, still no funnies! any suggestions?

calling all philosophers

here's a poser for anyone who cares enough to pitch in their thoughts :

during the day, life goes on at a pace we probably just move on high speed, with little time to think. is that the reason why, come nightfall, the demons of the mind come out to play. any and all negative, depressing, panicking thoughts loom in front of you, and just tears away the fragments of logic and reason.

or is it just some who have these masochistic panic, depressive manic mind-plays?

oh to be young

when you're young, you're a daredevil - nothing scares you, you're invincible!

God made 12 hours of light, and 12 hours of night, so that one can work and do stuff in the light, then wind down and rest in the night. But youngsters think it's the other way around. they go out late in the night and don't go home to sleep till the break of dawn. Some others even think they are superheroes - they go out late at night, come home at the break of dawn, wake up with everyone else in the morning, and go about the day's activities, thinking they need little or no sleep!

after all, when one is young, diseases and health problems don't register .... life's a ball...

i was there once, so I understand, but I certainly didn't party on till the break of dawn!

Beautiful Malaysia

If anyone of you says that we don't live in a beautiful country, look again... we are not only multiracial, but multi coloured, multi creative, multi lingual.... i mean, anyone who keeps shouting sodomy must be beautiful.

if you look around you, we have very colourful trees - green, brown, bone dry, arm-less because some council people decided they didn't like the long, sexy branches, and skinny malnourished ones who have been put on the road by nurseries who had starved them until someone bought them.

if you walk around town, even the humble, simple garbage gets to be part of beautiful Malaysia. i mean, where else in the world would you find multicoloured garbage strewn around different corners of the streets - black, blue, white bags, big, small, full, half-empty after being torn apart by cats, dogs and rats who couldn't resist the attractive presentations. if one takes the trouble to walk around and check them out, one will find that it almost looks like some person, in the middle of the night, walks around the streets, organising these garbage bags so that there is not an empty spot in strategically located areas. what creativity of road design....

oh yes, and we can't forget the drivers - multi creative, multi polite - they have to rush around, zig zagging around others, jumping queues and lights, squeezing into two inches of space, and get off the road quickly to prevent a traffic jam. you see, the more cars that get home faster, the less traffic is left on the road to create a jam - great justification for what some of us call reckless and inconsiderate driving, right? we should thank them, shouldn't we? even if they give us a heart attack and high blood pressure in the meantime.

now I know why I love my country - don't you?

is it, is it not, is it?

when i was very young and naive, i used to think that a girl who was raped deserves to be, because she was either promiscuous with her dressing, or her behaviour. today, we are grown up and wiser and know better.

just because a girl dresses well, and if she has some chest and wants to show it, why not? it's God's gift so it is no crime to show it. why should MCPs think that she is inviting trouble? why can't they look at their own breed who is sex-hungry and takes advantage of these girls?

and to take the cake, our own home-grown politician (who isn't very young and naive) blames the ever plain school uniform as a lure! will someone please take him to the optician to correct his eyesight and brain sight, and then give him some real education about what is lewd and what is just plain or attractive!!

he would be very happy if his daughter wears the steel armour then.

wonders

Isn't nature wonderful? you can look at the exact landscape and space in winter, autumn, spring and summer - and they will look completely different.

when we were in Lake District, UK, in March, it was lovely and freezing, serene and beautifully brownish, with little greens here and there poking out.

My friends went back again to the same place last week, and it's all lush and green - give it a few months and it will be autumn gold and yellows......

but it only happens in the West...... hey, maybe Malaysia Boleh can tell God to boleh us with four seasons! life would be more interesting, wouldn't it?

First World Hotel, Genting

If you are going up to Genting to gamble, and just need a bed to crash out for two hours, then check into First World. Otherwise............

Chaperone-ing some teenagers for the Click Five concert with them booking me into the First World was an experience to behold.

the shower and toilet are cubicles that are just wide enough for a medium person to fit. if you want to watch tv in bed, you will have to be a contortionist.

to top it all, you need to de-sensitise your nostrils, so that you can't smell the urine stench, and the musty reeks emanating from the room. The window curtains had what looked like urine stains. Obviously, previous tenants have had their own way in the room.

And it's a 24-hour hotel all right - 24 hours of people walking up and down the room floors, talking to each other, shouting at each other, and kids running up and down having fun. All these activities to remind you that you should not be up in Genting to sleep!

BUT, I only paid RM143.50 for the room, and had to queue for only an hour or so to be checked in, so why should I complain???

money money money

I was about to go up the escalators of BV on Sunday when I noticed a folded RM50 note on the floor. As I picked it up, a young couple was nearby so I asked if it belonged to them. They said 'No' (very honest). So, as I went up the escalator and wondering what I should do with it (the devil saying 'keep it' 'keep it'), I opened the note and..........

it read ...

RM50 ....... Bank of Heaven..........

Jesus will provide all your needs etc etc etc

I had such a good laugh to myself. What an effective way to evangelise.

So, I quietly folded the note and left it on the railing, for the next lucky person.

Someone took it because the next time I walked past there, it was missing. I hope it brought hope to its readers.

mrs shrek

we saw a pretty girl at 1 Utama the other day. she had rich black hair, fair skinned, and she took pains to dress well, with very stylish shoes.

except she obviously loves food, cos the result of her diet was spilling all over her body. she was 42-42-40-42-44-40

what a shame - perhaps she tries but the love of food overcomes...

we just have to try harder, baby. we don't have to be influenced by society norms and be model thin, but we should be a reasonable medium size to stay healthy, fit and happy with ourselves.

I suppose fiona shrek will argue that she is very happy with herself..... to each her own i suppose..

envy or pity

a sister of someone i know is aged 44 and she is over the moon recently because she is in a relationship with a 22 year old!

so do they go clubbing and tennis, or do they watch dvd's at home and cuddle up on the couch?

do they listen to rap music and hard metal, or do they tune into golden oldies?

very hollywood - very demi moore and ashton kutcher.

i love people

people are so complicated creatures, aren't they? you should try talking to husband and wife separate of each other, and you will be amazed at how they each perceive the other - poles apart I can tell you.

so is it deception, manipulation, or just reading the wrong signs? Is that why so many couples grow apart and just pass each day, together and seemingly intact in the relationship, but it's only but a facade?

that's why I love psychology - human behaviour and 'what makes them tick' is so fascinating.

Keeping up with changes

I used to walk to school and to work as well. It was a wonderful feeling to walk, and contemplate, and enjoy looking at the cars and big houses, and dream of living in one of them someday.

These days, I wouldn't dream of letting my daughter walk because of the sickos around - not only do they kidnap, rape, and rob, they now resort to severing limbs and throwing them somewhere else. The world is turning to decay, and I don't mean the earth plates.

Some things don't change though - health, or the need to stay healthy, remains the same. So how do our kids get their dose of exercise to stay fit? They can't walk in the open without the fear of being kidnapped and molested......

they can go to the gym,
they can enrol in dance classes, and participate in dance competitions locally and internationally
they can swim in the confines of their condominiums
they can walk their dogs daily

and the list continues....

it just needs some initiative and the get-up and go....

pea brains

I always thought most men think with their round belows, especially politicians, but this one takes the cake.

in this day and age, how can anyone come out into the open and ask for women to have family permission before travelling. hello, sir, haven't you read about women's liberation, women's rights, equal rights?

don't blame the women! instead of fire-fighting with the wrong equipment, why don't you think about what is the root of the problem, and teach people how to avoid fires.

if parents (and that means FATHERS and mothers) take time and effort to give their children proper upbringing and correct values, be they boys or girls, men or women, they would not allow themselves to be pawns for druglords.

EDUCATION, my dear sir, education! you obviously haven't had much of that........

ideas ideas ideas

how about some topics that you would like me to express my humble, or not-so-humble opinion about?????

mental block

i know i haven't been blogging lately. apart from the fact that i am not sure if anyone visits this page, i keep sitting in front of the screen with an empty head, or airhead? absolutely nothing worth writing about, and nothing that i can put pen to paper about.

talking about empty head, mental block, writer's block, and airheads, just look at the photo here - try to imagine living in it with your family and you can be sure everything will be blocked. it really is the smallest house in GB, built many centuries ago, and now a showhouse - wonder where the present generation of inhabitants live? it's in Wales and if you look at the woman coming out at the doorway, she's not a big nor tall woman, but she's far taller than the door, and the width of the house can't be more than 8 feet. maybe the seven dwarves lived there during that time.

Drivers

There are idiot drivers all over the world, even in the best of countries - although Malaysia is among the top few.

ok ok, to be fair, i must highlight some of the idiot drivers that I have encountered in Australia and UK.

We don't have to talk about the ones in KL unless we want to write a book - but of course, what is most amusing is the old man who bumped into the back of my car, IN A TRAFFIC JAM MOVING AT 10kph, and promptly got out of the car to apologise, saying "I'm so sorry, my slippers got caught on the accelerator even though my foot went to the brakes."

If you don't keep your eyes peeled in Oz, you could get into some heat. we were driving into the car park of a supermarket. John saw an empty lot, so he promptly drove into it - he didn't notice that someone else was trying to reverse her car into the same spot from miles away, BUT TAKING IT AT SNAIL'S PACE WITH NO INDICATOR LIGHT. Did she hoot and get out of the car to rant and rave - I reckon she lost her voice from that.

There must be a lot of pent-up anger in UK's yuppies too - we took a turn too quickly across the road and did not notice this BMW speeding down towards us. although we waved apologetically, this yuppie took a big turn-around just to look for us, and when he found us at the parking lot, proceeded to get out of the car to abuse us vehemently, not wanting to accept our apologies and admission of guilt. Maybe he is not allowed to swear at home, so this was his excuse to do so, at the top of his voice. His boss must have given him the boot that morning, so he had to take it out on someone.

So we should forgive him - the poor man will probably have to sell his precious BMW and live on scones and tea for the next six months.

Magical

we live in one world, but different countries. I've been to a few countries but UK has always been a magical place... every village or town is only about half an hour's drive away, and their characteristics are all unto its own, so one is never bored.

how could one be? apart from the beautiful cotswold thatches, the heritage trust properties, the churches who have been there for hundreds of years, the castles that are magnificently old and awesome, we don't forget the people!

they may be white, and mainly old, but they sure come in odd shapes and sizes. we saw the waddler, the giraffe, the dinosaur, shrek, beauty and the beast, Richard Widmark ( I could have sworn it was him, except we had read two days earlier that he had died, but then, we were having lunch in a teahouse that had been there since the 1500s and one side was leaning in).

and the dogs, gosh, they have a better life than many of us. how many of us get the luxury of someone else picking up after us, especially after a poo. and if we were slow to do the honours, our host dog, Sally, would give us the eye. and after a good run in the field, and the mud, Sally just lifts up her paws at home and they will be wiped clean.

Hello hello hello

she's back!!

it was a wee bit too short a holiday, and a wee too few blooming flowers, but the weather had been good. we managed to pack in many cities and villages in the 17 days away; not to mention the endless fruit scones and cappucinos.

UK has changed after 20 years, as expected I suppose, but I was disappointed to find the people generally less friendly than before. Coffees and cappucinos were generally warm at best, and mamselle here likes her coffees HOT! Only one cappucino stood out - at Chester - nice, hot with thick froth....

guess we'll start saving again for next summer where we can do more walks and gardens.

Holidays are always great but it's also good to be home...

Have you ever wondered where all the extras that come out of liposuction and nip tucks go to? I can tell you where -
walking along the shopping street in Bath, was this woman who definitely visits the nip tuck surgeries daily, not to have the surgery, but obviously one who doesn't like to see waste, she proceeds to slap on the 'wastes' of others onto herself. she had piles of rolling flesh all over her arms, a body of piled donuts, elephant legs, and her bum rippled a million miles out the back - solid spare flesh!

It's a wonder she can still waddle around.