musings

as busy as i am, i have caught up with all the two seasons of Downton Abbey, in good company too.  there are not many shows that i hanker for, but DA is one of those rare ones where every minute of the show keeps you glued to the set.... the setting is superb, the clothes are gorgeous, the actors are well casted, and oh the lines... my oh my... such classic, drop dead, one-liners.... absolutely brilliant.  no wonder it's such a hit in UK and wherever it's shown.
can't wait till sept 2012 for the 3rd season... and because i'm here in this end of the world, i have to wait forever before shoobaba can download and somehow send across to me. 

the house is very quiet without the girls... first, one left three weeks ago, then the other left a few days ago.  if i'm not careful, i will start to enjoy being a hermit - do an ava gardner..

it's so strange to spend xmas without the kids; for the last 28 years, i have never missed xmas with them.  it's okay when i'm at home and its all quiet, but when i'm at the shopping malls and the xmas songs are blaring away and the festive spirit is all around, the loneliness grabs.  thank goodness for work - i have not welcomed work this much before...
 i wonder if this will be the beginning of yet another chapter of my life - xmas without kids..

photos of family

crossroads

some of us go through life on a straight lane - smooth, easy peasy, 5th gear all the way...

others hit some long and winding stretches along the way - but all more eventful and enriching..

and then there are those of us who hit crossroads at every turn - ever more eventful, ever more fulfilling (or is it), filled with heartaches and laughter, screams of glee and woe - but it still remains a path of crossroads galore.

so when we hit the crossroads, how many of us are very sure of where to turn? is it right, or left, straight or 5 o'clock? do we agonise over it, fearing that the wrong turn could be disastrous, or at best, not the most fulfilling and satisfying?

my crossroads seem to be telling me to leave it at the feet of Jesus, and just wait for His direction; but we are just stubborn humans who must worry and ponder over them, and getting all worked up about it, aren't we? so i am at this crossroad now - should I or shouldn't I?  oh bugger it..... 

malcolm gladwell

i love biographies, and anything to do with Psychology.  so when a friend talked about malcolm gladwell's interesting findings, i made a beeline to the bookshop and bought 3 of his books - Blink, Tipping Point and Outliers.

reading outliers now, and it's fascinating truths and research.  reading about the smartest man in the world, christopher langan, whose IQ is between 195-210 (a normal person's IQ hovers around 100-110), and then going to youtube for an interview with him, makes one realise that what Gladwell espouses in his book is not silly.... now go buy that book if you want to know what he says :)

yelleh belleh and i were watching "Limitless" last night - bradley cooper, the guy with those sharp blue eyes.. he wasn't being portrayed his best side in the movie, but it's a very interesting and entertaining show.  they say that we only use between 10%-20% of our brains in our lifetime, so maybe someone in real life will invent something to bring out the other 80% in our brains..and there will be more successful people in this world, less poverty, less manic depressives..

melbourne

a spontaneous decision, made at the last minute, saw us flying to melbourne to see the hubby.  he looked good the first day but could see him waning after.  having to go through a series of tests over the next couple of weeks, just to determine what the medical problem really is...not much fun for him.

being there only for a few days, we grabbed some time to do some retail therapy.  elle found her minotaur comics huge store where everything's there, and old mummy was terribly out of place.  i did notice that the city is so so incredibly busy and crowded that it wasn't really much fun - it reminded me of mid valley during the weekends - gosh, i have never seen melbourne city this busy!

another big minus point for melbourne - can't stand the extremely thin toilet paper! everytime you try to pull on it, it twirls into a string, and so you have to keep pulling in order to get a reasonable wad to use.... such a waste of paper, they could have just made it thicker !  thank goodness there was some proper rolls at eltham when we went visiting..

caught up with the in-laws too... miss them but i guess they had reason to not be the most friendly..

didn't get to meet kieren and sarah, and suzanne, what a shame - kids were down with the flu..

come one full circle

with the move back to DV, and a little renovation, here's the brand new home, raw - not fully settled in, and organised yet....

nothings

i don't have anything to write...they call it writer's block, but i have been delinquent in my blogging so i'm posting this out of guilt. work's been busy, leaving hardly any time for fun and play.  the house is a mess with packed boxes all over, but yeah, moving soon.

i'm reading a commemorative issue of Liz Taylor - gawd, she was definitely one of the most stunning beauties of all time - classic, drop dead gorgeous,  beautiful, conversation stopper when she walks past - that kind of perfect beauty can only be equalled by someone like Grace Kelly. i can't think of  anyone of a younger generation now who can stand up there with them.

some pretty faces of today are scarlett johansson, jennifer aniston, sandra bullock, kiera knightley (though she's too skinny), charlize theron.. ...and the list goes on, all very good looking but not in the same league as elizabeth taylor was in her heyday.

maya angelou's poem for MJ

"We Had Him": Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing, now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips like a puff of summer wind.
Without notice, our dear love can escape our doting embrace. Sing our songs among the stars and walk our dances across the face of the moon.
In the instant that Michael is gone, we know nothing. No clocks can tell time. No oceans can rush our tides with the abrupt absence of our treasure.
Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone.
Only when we confess our confusion can we remember that he was a gift to us and we did have him.
He came to us from the creator, trailing creativity in abundance.
Despite the anguish, his life was sheathed in mother love, family love, and survived and did more than that.
He thrived with passion and compassion, humor and style. We had him whether we know who he was or did not know, he was ours and we were his.
We had him, beautiful, delighting our eyes.
His hat, aslant over his brow, and took a pose on his toes for all of us.
And we laughed and stomped our feet for him.
We were enchanted with his passion because he held nothing. He gave us all he had been given.
Today in Tokyo, beneath the Eiffel Tower, in Ghana's Black Star Square.
In Johannesburg and Pittsburgh, in Birmingham, Alabama, and Birmingham, England
We are missing Michael.
But we do know we had him, and we are the world.

remember

  Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad. 


i love this poem - so sad, yet so positive and giving... this should be my eulogy and epitaph

this thing called Love

so many interpretations of this four letter word....but for the purposes of this blog, let's just stick to the traditional use, and keep it nice.

a mother's love - i was watching Oprah's interview with Katherine Jackson about MJ...you could see the pain in her eyes which cannot be faked.  that kind of love will never fade nor die.

a child's love - Oprah then spoke with MJ's children; and the love Paris and Prince hold for their dad is what every parent would wish for from their children.

a lover's love? well, that's another thing right?  some love could really be lust, some could be infatuation, and then there are the true loves.  i'm sure many of you have had experiences in all these areas - i surely have  such memories...  and i think that i am very blessed because i can safely say that i have loved many, but have definitely been loved by more - but which ones are true, and which are lust?  that's for me to know, and for you to guess :)

out of whack

do you sometimes feel that you are out of sorts, out of whack, out of everything? not a very nice feeling eh... you feel like you have ants in your pants, always having to be on the move, and dissatisfied with everything around you, yet not wanting to do anything about it.

do you feel that perhaps the best thing is to bury yourself in the sand?  except there's no sand around.

do you feel that you want some company?  except you don't really want to talk about anything in particular, and probably prefer really to be on your own?

oh such horrible terrible days and hours.. must be the moon!

princess on the moon

my pastor's sermon reminded me of a bedtime story i used to tell my girls..

there once was a beautiful princess on the moon.  one day, she asked her dad about another planet that she saw in the distance, and if she could visit it.  her dad took her to earth; she loved it so much, she would visit each month, and eventually fell in love with a human.  when her dad told her she couldn't be with an earthling, she cried and cried - taking pity on her, dad said she could visit him once a year.  she could also watch him from a distance once a month... hence, we have a full moon each month so that she can see her lover clearly from the moon, and vice versa.  and once a year, we celebrate the moon festival - a celebration of love.

birthdays and sunsets

at 7pm, in Port Dickson Thistle Hotel, this photo represents a big part of my life.  this exact scene had been played many many times in my life, from the time when i was 18 in Port Dickson too, to Penang for countless ocassions, to Australia, UK, Rotterdam (though not by the sea) .......

later that night, we went back to this beach which would have been pitch dark, if not for the lighthouse signal, and a huge spotlight shining on the beach from the hotel, letting residents walk along or sit on the beach.  it was low tide then, and standing there in the peace of the night with just the waves serenely lapping away, i couldn't help but think back of all those times when i did exactly the same thing in various beaches, all alone.  it was a nostalgic moment, and thinking back of those days when my thoughts would wander with dreams and wishes, it was interesting to now look back and realise none of my dreams really did come true - well, maybe some of them came very close to it.

and another point i noted - as i stood there reminiscing, my daughter was a few yards in front of me, sitting on the sand, in her own world of thoughts too.  i wondered if she was dreaming the same dreams i had many years ago, and if she was, i truly hope that her dreams will come true.  and i pondered over the possibility that she would, one day, perhaps at my age, stand on some beach  and look upon her own daughter a few yards in front of her - each in their own thoughts and dreams.

if i am really blessed, maybe i would also be on that beach looking at my daughter and grand daughter...

and if i am in heaven, i would definitely be looking down upon them with a big smile!

birthdays

so it's just another birthday - have had quite a few now, some most worthy of thoughts, and i'm so blessed that only a handful are better forgotten.

i used to get a room full of presents; now it's just half a room, but hey, better than nothing right.  i used to have a dressing table full of perfumes as birthday gifts, from well-wishing interested males; these days, i still have a couple or two perfumes waiting to be opened, but from different well-wishers.

those were the days of party and fun with friends and friends; now it seems a little more sedate, but, hey, it's not old age! perhaps it's just maturity.  been there, done that............. hmm, i wouldn't say 'No' to Zouk though, or a good dance club, with great music, and great company.

too many things to say

i stare at the blank page - so much on the mind, so much i want to say, so much i have to comment about; but all coming to a blank when i have to actually put it into words.

so how about some pictures to tell part of the story..

Change is a certainty... but what a change!

the last major change in my life was the end of a marriage, right in the middle of  my father's last days, and immediately followed unexpectedly by my brother-in-law the following year.  it wasn't a very pleasant year or two.

now, in the last 18 months, i would say is the second major change in my life... a totally unpredictable change from a couple to being on my own, which is not too bad as playing solitaire can be quite serene at times, to my daughter uprooting herself to the other end of the world.

when we were young, we always have this rosy picture that we would get married, have kids, watch them grow and get married,  have marvellous bonding and lots of visits among the grown children, and the two old folks growing old together.  some of us are blessed with that of course and sail through life, but many of us have a more exciting roller coaster ride - filled with adrenalin rushes, challenging times and emotions, drastic highs and lows....

i wonder what will happen round the corner... but as they say, we take one day at a time..

Satiation

It was a satiating time, alas short, where us girls had our time at Fraser's.  Smokehouse reminds us so much of UK, and good times.

I wonder how many more times we can do these girly times before family, babies, husbands will have their say.

there are some people in our lives whom we prefer to forget, some periods of our lives we prefer to wipe out, some mistakes we have made we prefer to have not.....  but one thing i will never trade - it's being mother to these two girls, and being part of their lives.... now it's time to share them with others, c'est la vie.

Elle and I took a short drive to Templer Park today - 20 mins and we were there, and nice greens along the way making it a pleasant drive too.  templer park is certainly scenic and peaceful, and seems to be the sleepy hollow now, with golf courses and large trees with branches meeting each other across the road to canopise and offer such beautiful landscape.

a short respite from the grind of work...