Sunday, June 22, 2014

RIP mother

Sunrise :1928. sunset :2014 June 18

Death is a certainty, but we often wish we could choose the date.  Alas, we never can. It always creeps up when u least  expect it to.

Mother had been having health deterioration since last year, but she battled on and had many good days. I thought she would see Jun-Yi get married, but in my heart of hearts, it was a strong hope as I see her wilting, although some days she was so strong, she seemed like she will live to 100.

Grieving is a long process, I still grieve for my father after 20 years. Of course, the pain is much less acute and the good memories are stronger. We have to remind ourselves to be strong and focus on the good memories. I had a bit more time to give mum a better life , to provide her some of the things she loved. But it's never easy to let go of someone you love, no matter when no matter what.

So the lesson here for all is.... Spend time with your loved ones.. Don't say you don't have time, don't postpone... Cos time waits for no man, when its time for your loved one to go, it won't wait for you  to be available.

Today is the second day after the funeral. What do I feel? Flat, listless, but knowing life goes on. I kept playing back the last few days events, asking questions not really expecting answers.  It's like a DVD recorder playing back repeatedly....
Flashes of memories, of mother when she was younger, of recent times.... And I quell the guilt feeling that I should have seen her more often.... I have last seen her on Mothers Day and bought her shoes that she love, bought her favourite Krispy Kreme...and I gave her a good birthday lunch with all her brothers celebrating with her...  I shall hold on to those good times...

goodbye, mother....I know you have gone to a happy place where there is no pain...


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