Sunday, August 10, 2014

a new book

i finished my recent tenure sooner than i had expected.... i am at peace, and i know God is leading me to new horizons.

it is a strange feeling to be able to wake up at any time, without having the alarm going off and egging me to get out of bed to get ready for work..  i can now savour the morning coffee, look out to enjoy the skies (or haze), and some quiet time with God.  bliss!

bent on my retirement from the corporate world, at least not full time anyway, i am being led into the world of education again...... specifically the English Language, my lifelong interest to share this wonderful language to as many people as possible.

so i am doing all my research on the current trends, materials, and resources that are in place today.... and then i will be ready!


P.S.  in memory of Mum ....18 June 2014







Photo

Sunday, June 22, 2014

RIP mother

Sunrise :1928. sunset :2014 June 18

Death is a certainty, but we often wish we could choose the date.  Alas, we never can. It always creeps up when u least  expect it to.

Mother had been having health deterioration since last year, but she battled on and had many good days. I thought she would see Jun-Yi get married, but in my heart of hearts, it was a strong hope as I see her wilting, although some days she was so strong, she seemed like she will live to 100.

Grieving is a long process, I still grieve for my father after 20 years. Of course, the pain is much less acute and the good memories are stronger. We have to remind ourselves to be strong and focus on the good memories. I had a bit more time to give mum a better life , to provide her some of the things she loved. But it's never easy to let go of someone you love, no matter when no matter what.

So the lesson here for all is.... Spend time with your loved ones.. Don't say you don't have time, don't postpone... Cos time waits for no man, when its time for your loved one to go, it won't wait for you  to be available.

Today is the second day after the funeral. What do I feel? Flat, listless, but knowing life goes on. I kept playing back the last few days events, asking questions not really expecting answers.  It's like a DVD recorder playing back repeatedly....
Flashes of memories, of mother when she was younger, of recent times.... And I quell the guilt feeling that I should have seen her more often.... I have last seen her on Mothers Day and bought her shoes that she love, bought her favourite Krispy Kreme...and I gave her a good birthday lunch with all her brothers celebrating with her...  I shall hold on to those good times...

goodbye, mother....I know you have gone to a happy place where there is no pain...


 Photo


Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day

this day, i remind myself about how blessed i am.  my children are grown up, and well educated, well bred... any parent would love to have as a daughter-in-law... and if they don't think so, they are silly..

so my motherhood is almost complete; but wait, it never is... one never stops worrying about them, their health, their safety, their wellbeing, their relationships, their marriage, their partners, their careers..... and the list goes on.

i think the real test of motherhood, is knowing when it's time to let go.... to allow the children to make their own mistakes, to lead their own lives the way they would like to, to choose their own spouse and partner according to what they feel is right...

the mother has done all the moulding and guiding while children are younger...once they are adults, they take over.... mothers step back and guide from behind, advise when asked, and help when needed... 

that is real motherhood to the end....

Friday, August 23, 2013

Switzerland

I met someone through work who just came back from studies in Switzerland... My teen dream was to study in Switzerland, attracted by pictures of the Alps.  Today, I wonder if I will see Swissland in this lifetime..

I wonder if I will...... So many things that I wonder...

I wonder if I can find....
The perfect pair of shoes
The perfect dress
The perfect companion
A perfect summer in Paris
A perfect summer in UK
The perfect time to do what I have wanted to do for a long time..

Sunday, August 18, 2013

When does it stop?

Sometimes parents wonder if their grown children still love them the same way they did when they were kids. I wouldn't know as I was never close with my mum, but I still miss my dad. I do have a lot of love for my mum but different.. I guess it's the maternal child relationship love. I wonder if all kids move into that phase when they grow up... What a bummer to the mother who was the most important person in the children's lives at one time.. Oh well, life goes on, love moves on..

Saturday, August 17, 2013

love of love or love of money

statistics show that 70% of couples who marry for love will end up in divorce.  those who place more emphasis on status and money have a lower percentage of divorces.. now why is that so?

i think we put our priorities all wrong in this day and age.  my parents' generation would marry for love, or would be match-made - and generally have a lasting marriage; many of whom are happy, while others are amicably together.  the pressures, demands and stresses of today's society creates easy tension and friction between couples.  easy access to extra marital interests are also prevalent.

moral decay is another cause of high divorce rates.

so what do we advise youth of today?  is it more practical to marry for status and money?  after all, chances of a sustaining marriage is not worse than those who marry for love - so why don't one have a marriage where one doesn't have to worry about the next meal on the table; but can spend time planning for holidays and retail therapy...

Sunday, August 4, 2013

nostalgia and memories

i was browsing at the bookstore, looking for a book to present to my niece for her birthday, when i came upon a new book authored by Cecil Rajendra.  Cecil is a lawyer whom i met many years ago through my father-in-law - they were very good friends, and were always together.  so i picked up the book, as it was also on a subject i knew - The Rose Chan Story.  apart from the synopsis, i also always read the page where the author dedicates or pay homage to someone or their family, so i  casually turned to that.  what i read there brought back a flood of memories :

"...... dedicated to the memory of Lee Khai Hong aka Lee Ying, my sifu/guru for esoteric......."

my father-in-law, notice i didnt put "ex father in law".... he will always be my father in law... is lee khai hong...imagine my excitement to read about someone i know so well, being mentioned in a book, and as i flipped through the pages, all over the book!  i immediately called my mother-in-law to tell her that; and messaged my kids and their dad...

funny how memories drive people to do different things.  this interview and story event happened in the late 1980's but only saw light of day this year in 2013... long after my father in law and Rose Chan had died.

i hope you get to read the book.... it's a worthwhile of a Malaysian icon, Rose Chan!

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Family

most of us have common family bonds - we are either closer to mum or dad; we are close to our siblings, we have some form of contact with our relatives usually through our parents.

more commonly is the fact that when we are at a gathering where there are relatives, we make it a point to mingle with them and at least have some small talk.  i was at a recent gathering where the hosts did not once make an effort to interact with the relatives..... strange isn't it?

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

me and me and a dog named boo

i was reminded today that i have a blog which i have sorely neglected; so mr blog, i'm back again.

my new workmates are full of youthful cheer, a refreshing flow of innocence, and limitless energy abounding.  oh, to be young again.... but then again, age has its privileges; and its wisdom.  i look at them and i think to myself "been there, done that"..

we have been back in KL one and a half months now... europe is but a memory, again, until the next





visit.  Paris still resonates in my mind.  when i first stepped onto parisian soil, i was slightly disappointed...."so what's so romantic and special about this place" i asked myself while looking around at the dirty streets of dog poo... until we walked from The Louvre along the Champs Elysee, visited the Notre Dame at night, and walking along the streets of Paris at night with the yellow streetlamps throwing out warm love and spreading the feelings of romance into the air...

and the croissants were divine, regardless of how small the cafe was, the croissant never failed  to titillate.. by the time we left Paris, we all looked like croissants!

 twas a cold and wet Netherlands this spring, but family kept the spirits up.  a great reunion of the ladies in the family, great bonding, and loads of wholesome fun.

shoobaba will be back in December and will stay a few months to satiate her thirst for home life.... and her mum will get a feel of the whole family again in KL... if only for a while.

now i shall start planning for my next holiday in Europe... Sweden ..Switzerland?


Friday, February 15, 2013

 Lunar Chinese New Year in 2013 :

today's CNY is quite different with most traditions lost with youth.  here's what i grew up with -

- a week before CNY, the house is springcleaned from top to bottom so that Gods are pleased with the cleanliness
-  the rice pot is filled to the brim to signify that we welcome the New Year with plenty
-  all male children and their families, must be home with their parents for the Reunion dinner on CNY eve
- after the Reunion dinner and through the first few days of CNY, firecrackers would go off, each home challenging the other with who lets off the most, of course, the wealthier you are, the more you can afford to let off.
- we are not allowed to sweep away the firecracker parchments on the ground, as the red means good luck and prosperity - the redder  your ground the more wealth you will obtain in the new year.  it was so exciting watching the firecrackers go off, with hands to the ears... people would twine the firecrackers around the fencing or perimeter of the home... the longer the firecracker the better!
- we are not allowed to sweep nor mop the floor on the 1st day of CNY as it signifies that we are sweeping away good luck.
- we are not allowed to speak negative words nor swear on the 1st day; we cannot anger the Gods you see, or we will incur bad luck through the new year
- everyone has to wear brand new clothes on 1st day of CNY to welcome the New year
- the family will visit each other's siblings who have started their own families; and children are not allowed to go out with friends - children have to be at home to welcome the relatives to show respect.  mumsy here rebelled when she was 15 years old and was promptly told off by the uncles through mum:)


i guess with modern thinking, most of these rituals are forgotten with city folks, but i guess it also lessens the impact of the season.  with the banning of firecrackers, it also reduced the excitement and the festive feeling - granted that it is a good move for safety purposes.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

It's been a while

This seems to be my constant boring excuse for not blogging...How pathetic can it be for someone to say that they are too busy with work, hence there is no time for play tsk tsk, shame on me..

I am getting better at taking some me time every now and then.. I catch up with my buddies for karaoke, or coffee, and I just bought myself some canvas to catch up on some paintbrush lashings.
And.....a few other activities which I shall not discuss here..

They say life is a roller coaster, and it's ever so true, one day you are up, the next you are gushing down.

Oh...some evergreen British lines from Downton Abbey .. By none other than Lady Grantham Maggie smith...
"vulgarity is not a good substitute for wit"

Yes, I'm all over the place with this blog...random thoughts jumping around like jelly beans..

Perhaps I shall collect my thoughts and organize them into a proper post the next time around.. Toodle oo

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

a new year! well, sort of new

she's back!  time does go fast. two months have come and gone, and she's home - nice to have company and a bit of noise in the home again.

yes, so i haven't blogged for some time, and my only excuse is too busy with work. this excuse gets boring after a while, but it's true.  nonetheless, i have decided tonight that i shall forget about work and catch up on some personal life.  speaking of personal life, some people may not realise how incriminating facebook can be.  i just saw photos of a friend posted on her fb, lovey dovey with another guy, although it's open knowledge that she's with someone i know..... oops... what a complication and a bummer it will become.

have you caught up with the US presidential run-up Republican campaigns? the ridiculous statement made by this candidate about Obama being a snob just because Obama said that everyone should go to college!  if this guy gets voted in, it will be a sad sad day for America and the world!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

musings

as busy as i am, i have caught up with all the two seasons of Downton Abbey, in good company too.  there are not many shows that i hanker for, but DA is one of those rare ones where every minute of the show keeps you glued to the set.... the setting is superb, the clothes are gorgeous, the actors are well casted, and oh the lines... my oh my... such classic, drop dead, one-liners.... absolutely brilliant.  no wonder it's such a hit in UK and wherever it's shown.
can't wait till sept 2012 for the 3rd season... and because i'm here in this end of the world, i have to wait forever before shoobaba can download and somehow send across to me. 

the house is very quiet without the girls... first, one left three weeks ago, then the other left a few days ago.  if i'm not careful, i will start to enjoy being a hermit - do an ava gardner..

it's so strange to spend xmas without the kids; for the last 28 years, i have never missed xmas with them.  it's okay when i'm at home and its all quiet, but when i'm at the shopping malls and the xmas songs are blaring away and the festive spirit is all around, the loneliness grabs.  thank goodness for work - i have not welcomed work this much before...
 i wonder if this will be the beginning of yet another chapter of my life - xmas without kids..

Monday, August 22, 2011

photos of family



crossroads

some of us go through life on a straight lane - smooth, easy peasy, 5th gear all the way...

others hit some long and winding stretches along the way - but all more eventful and enriching..

and then there are those of us who hit crossroads at every turn - ever more eventful, ever more fulfilling (or is it), filled with heartaches and laughter, screams of glee and woe - but it still remains a path of crossroads galore.

so when we hit the crossroads, how many of us are very sure of where to turn? is it right, or left, straight or 5 o'clock? do we agonise over it, fearing that the wrong turn could be disastrous, or at best, not the most fulfilling and satisfying?

my crossroads seem to be telling me to leave it at the feet of Jesus, and just wait for His direction; but we are just stubborn humans who must worry and ponder over them, and getting all worked up about it, aren't we? so i am at this crossroad now - should I or shouldn't I?  oh bugger it..... 




Sunday, August 7, 2011

malcolm gladwell

i love biographies, and anything to do with Psychology.  so when a friend talked about malcolm gladwell's interesting findings, i made a beeline to the bookshop and bought 3 of his books - Blink, Tipping Point and Outliers.

reading outliers now, and it's fascinating truths and research.  reading about the smartest man in the world, christopher langan, whose IQ is between 195-210 (a normal person's IQ hovers around 100-110), and then going to youtube for an interview with him, makes one realise that what Gladwell espouses in his book is not silly.... now go buy that book if you want to know what he says :)

yelleh belleh and i were watching "Limitless" last night - bradley cooper, the guy with those sharp blue eyes.. he wasn't being portrayed his best side in the movie, but it's a very interesting and entertaining show.  they say that we only use between 10%-20% of our brains in our lifetime, so maybe someone in real life will invent something to bring out the other 80% in our brains..and there will be more successful people in this world, less poverty, less manic depressives..

Saturday, July 16, 2011

melbourne

a spontaneous decision, made at the last minute, saw us flying to melbourne to see the hubby.  he looked good the first day but could see him waning after.  having to go through a series of tests over the next couple of weeks, just to determine what the medical problem really is...not much fun for him.

being there only for a few days, we grabbed some time to do some retail therapy.  elle found her minotaur comics huge store where everything's there, and old mummy was terribly out of place.  i did notice that the city is so so incredibly busy and crowded that it wasn't really much fun - it reminded me of mid valley during the weekends - gosh, i have never seen melbourne city this busy!

another big minus point for melbourne - can't stand the extremely thin toilet paper! everytime you try to pull on it, it twirls into a string, and so you have to keep pulling in order to get a reasonable wad to use.... such a waste of paper, they could have just made it thicker !  thank goodness there was some proper rolls at eltham when we went visiting..

caught up with the in-laws too... miss them but i guess they had reason to not be the most friendly..

didn't get to meet kieren and sarah, and suzanne, what a shame - kids were down with the flu..



Sunday, July 3, 2011

come one full circle

with the move back to DV, and a little renovation, here's the brand new home, raw - not fully settled in, and organised yet....








Saturday, June 4, 2011

nothings

i don't have anything to write...they call it writer's block, but i have been delinquent in my blogging so i'm posting this out of guilt. work's been busy, leaving hardly any time for fun and play.  the house is a mess with packed boxes all over, but yeah, moving soon.

i'm reading a commemorative issue of Liz Taylor - gawd, she was definitely one of the most stunning beauties of all time - classic, drop dead gorgeous,  beautiful, conversation stopper when she walks past - that kind of perfect beauty can only be equalled by someone like Grace Kelly. i can't think of  anyone of a younger generation now who can stand up there with them.

some pretty faces of today are scarlett johansson, jennifer aniston, sandra bullock, kiera knightley (though she's too skinny), charlize theron.. ...and the list goes on, all very good looking but not in the same league as elizabeth taylor was in her heyday.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

maya angelou's poem for MJ

"We Had Him": Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing, now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips like a puff of summer wind.
Without notice, our dear love can escape our doting embrace. Sing our songs among the stars and walk our dances across the face of the moon.
In the instant that Michael is gone, we know nothing. No clocks can tell time. No oceans can rush our tides with the abrupt absence of our treasure.
Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone.
Only when we confess our confusion can we remember that he was a gift to us and we did have him.
He came to us from the creator, trailing creativity in abundance.
Despite the anguish, his life was sheathed in mother love, family love, and survived and did more than that.
He thrived with passion and compassion, humor and style. We had him whether we know who he was or did not know, he was ours and we were his.
We had him, beautiful, delighting our eyes.
His hat, aslant over his brow, and took a pose on his toes for all of us.
And we laughed and stomped our feet for him.
We were enchanted with his passion because he held nothing. He gave us all he had been given.
Today in Tokyo, beneath the Eiffel Tower, in Ghana's Black Star Square.
In Johannesburg and Pittsburgh, in Birmingham, Alabama, and Birmingham, England
We are missing Michael.
But we do know we had him, and we are the world.