2021 Musings

 it is now 15 months since our first Covid-19 Lockdown .. March 19, 2021.

we celebrated Jun-Yi's birthday at Sri Bukit Persekutuan, as we had just welcomed baby Emily on 24 February...  and we couldn't dine out anyway.

July 29 was a sad day, as we said goodbyes and adieu to the VDK family... how exotic, saying goodbye at Desa Villa Carpark haha...

It is now almost one year since they moved back to NL, and there is no sight yet of when we can visit.

Thank God for technology, we can facetime twice a week - it is the true adage of "can see but cannot touch".

It is heartbreaking to hear of, and be part of people, friends, relatives who had succumbed to covid.

And so we live a life as a hermit, bound indoors for fear of catching the virus.  Due to sporadic clusters, we really do not know who is positive, and being in high risk category, I have tried to stay indoors...  and for better or worse, I am quite enjoying the solitude - could it be fear that is driving it?  a question that i prefer not to dwell on.

2 weddings and a funeral

in the last 8 months, many events have taken place... i left my corporate job, to semi retire, and joined a charity to help in fundraising initiatives for the children's homes.  i have actively started looking for students to teach English.

i lost mum on 18 June 2014, a very sad life event...

in December, my church pastor's daughter's wedding was special for us, the congregation.

on 10th Jan, 2015, it was a very joyous day - God blessed us with awesome weather, that one day in two weeks of miserable wet or hot weather - we had blue skies and the perfect day for a wedding.  God truly loves my family.... Jun-Yi & Rik's wedding went smoothly as planned.  a beautiful wedding indeed.
mother of the bride had a good time, but didn't really FEEEEL the wedding - busy organising the event.... definitely a wedding planner to be appointed at Elle's wedding.

photos coming in the next blog!

Lord, I'm ready for home

I would never wish to be a burden to anyone. In life, and in death - such a miserable certainty.  The wrinkles are setting in, the muscles are saggy, the body is weaker ....the aging process sets in.
The children don't need me anymore, the communication is limited, the questions and answers come out of necessity, the conversations limited to what's necessary only, Paris was the last bastion of real togetherness. Thank God we had those times.

My job is done, Lord. I don't want to grow old in obsoletion and without the comforts of a life I'm used to.

This must be the lament of most aging people.  And isn't it depressing to be networking and moving around the old, and being a pain to the young hahaha....

musings

my mother used to say that children will not appreciate their mothers until they themselves become mothers - then they will understand the struggles, the joy, the sacrifices...

learning from my father, who used to only eat white rice with salted fish and soya sauce, leaving all the good condiments and dishes to us children (and we all thought he loved salted fish), i now understand.... whatever i cook, order, or buy, i always allocate enough for the children.  if i do a take-away, i always take enough for the kids.  if there isn't enough, i will sacrifice my portion, telling the kids that i'm full or I don't like it.
when i cook, be it for guests, or self, i would always allocate some for the kids....

but children don't pay that much attention to it. when they cook, they only cook for themselves, their partners, and whatever the occasion is.  they don't think to keep or allocate a portion to their mother; and even if expressly asked, they will forget to keep a portion..... "because there wasn't enough"..

oh well, when they become mothers, they will appreciate and understand....

Foxy

our little Foxy, 14 years old, went back to doggie heaven on Oct 5.... failing in health for the last few months, she was also blind in one eye.  but she is our foxy.... we love her, and will never forget her.

we miss her, so does maxi......

she was the disciplined sibling, she was the prettiest little australian silky terrier, and forever obedient.
she was healthy till the end few months...........

a new book

i finished my recent tenure sooner than i had expected.... i am at peace, and i know God is leading me to new horizons.

it is a strange feeling to be able to wake up at any time, without having the alarm going off and egging me to get out of bed to get ready for work..  i can now savour the morning coffee, look out to enjoy the skies (or haze), and some quiet time with God.  bliss!

bent on my retirement from the corporate world, at least not full time anyway, i am being led into the world of education again...... specifically the English Language, my lifelong interest to share this wonderful language to as many people as possible.

so i am doing all my research on the current trends, materials, and resources that are in place today.... and then i will be ready!


P.S.  in memory of Mum ....18 June 2014

RIP mother

Sunrise :1928. sunset :2014 June 18

Death is a certainty, but we often wish we could choose the date.  Alas, we never can. It always creeps up when u least  expect it to.

Mother had been having health deterioration since last year, but she battled on and had many good days. I thought she would see Jun-Yi get married, but in my heart of hearts, it was a strong hope as I see her wilting, although some days she was so strong, she seemed like she will live to 100.

Grieving is a long process, I still grieve for my father after 20 years. Of course, the pain is much less acute and the good memories are stronger. We have to remind ourselves to be strong and focus on the good memories. I had a bit more time to give mum a better life , to provide her some of the things she loved. But it's never easy to let go of someone you love, no matter when no matter what.

So the lesson here for all is.... Spend time with your loved ones.. Don't say you don't have time, don't postpone... Cos time waits for no man, when its time for your loved one to go, it won't wait for you  to be available.

Today is the second day after the funeral. What do I feel? Flat, listless, but knowing life goes on. I kept playing back the last few days events, asking questions not really expecting answers.  It's like a DVD recorder playing back repeatedly....
Flashes of memories, of mother when she was younger, of recent times.... And I quell the guilt feeling that I should have seen her more often.... I have last seen her on Mothers Day and bought her shoes that she love, bought her favourite Krispy Kreme...and I gave her a good birthday lunch with all her brothers celebrating with her...  I shall hold on to those good times...

goodbye, mother....I know you have gone to a happy place where there is no pain...